Change your thinking and you change your life!
I’ve heard this phrase a million times when I was growing up.
When faced with people who bully me, I learned to retaliate and resent. But, in the end, either they still bully me, or I don’t feel good carrying their garbage! So, I’ve decided to use the flight method, but then, another person would do the same, in another place, and time.
I thought what the heck?! I knew something was wrong, with me, because I kept on attracting situations or circumstances that I didn’t want. If resisting, resentment, and revenge in flight or fight form won’t do it… then I must be missing something!
As I reflected on my journal, I have tons growing up! I’ve concluded that I won’t be able to please people ever! They will always have something to say and judge, and the arrows will just continue to point at me! I knew I won’t be able to create the results I wanted if I continue to react the same ways! It was tiring and I hate it!
In acknowledging life’s non-negotiables I looked at myself in the mirror and assessed my looks really hard. I do have chinky eyes, maybe if I have bigger eyes… My face is oval, maybe if it’s rounder… I’m tall and skinny, maybe if I have curves… At some point, I stopped. If I see all these negatives about myself then, of course, these people around me see the same things!
Then, I started becoming aware of my behavior… and realized, I certainly did have a lot of changing to do. I couldn’t continue pointing fingers and reacting negatively to my bullies when they do see something I should change. There are truths to what they say about me, but instead of acknowledging it, I fought back. Why?
I looked closer and then for some reason, I just thought, does it matter if I win the argument, if I win the fight, if held on to my grudge?
The people around me are here for a reason, and even if I don’t like all of them, I know most are here to guide me, to help me, and to support me. Unless I change how I see them, then I will continue to feel hatred and I hate it!
I felt that time that I was giving them permission to bully me because of how I react. I thought it’s about time to learn the lessons I was so stubborn to learn!
Funny but with self-reflection, comes change.
For things I have control of, I learned to confront… and not backbite. There wasn’t just any sense in letting all the peoples in the world, not concerned, know about what I was feeling and get sympathy when the person concerned was clueless! What for right? For me, it was way better to confront because I get the results I want at once!
For things I have no control of, I learned to embrace. I’ve learned to let go and give it to the person, situation, and life. KARMA isn’t sleeping anyway.
In learning to change my thinking growing up, I knew I changed my life.
Life continues to bring bullies, in different forms and shapes, but I guess, after all these years of confronting and embracing, I have found peace in them.
I hope you find peace with your bullies soon, too!